Hey there, fellow book lovers and allies! Today, we’re diving into a topic that is often misunderstood, overlooked, or tucked away in the "it’s too complicated" drawer. We’re talking about Asexuality and Aromanticism.
If you’ve been hanging around the Read with Pride community for a while, you know we’re all about celebrating the full spectrum of the LGBTQ+ experience. From steamy MM romance to deep, emotional gay love stories, we love it all. But being a true ally means more than just reading the latest gay novels; it means understanding the real-life identities that make our community so vibrant.
So, grab a coffee (or a tea, or a snack, we don’t judge), and let’s break down "Asexuality 101." This is your beginner’s guide to mastering allyship for the Ace and Aro community, specifically through the lens of our world of gay fiction and male/male relationships.
What Does the "A" Actually Stand For?
In the big, beautiful alphabet soup of LGBTQ+, the "A" often gets forgotten or, worse, mistaken for "Ally." While allies are great (hey, that’s why you’re here!), the "A" primarily stands for Asexual, Aromantic, and Agender.
For today’s guide, we’re focusing on the "Ace" (Asexual) and "Aro" (Aromantic) folks.
Asexuality is a sexual orientation where a person experiences little to no sexual attraction to others. It’s not about a choice, like celibacy or abstinence; it’s just how they’re wired.
Aromanticism, on the other hand, is about romantic attraction. Someone who is aromantic experiences little to no romantic attraction.
Wait, can you be both? Absolutely. Can you be one and not the other? You bet. This leads us to one of the most important concepts for any ally to grasp: The Split Attraction Model.
Understanding the Split Attraction Model
For many people, sexual and romantic attraction go hand-in-hand. You see a guy, you think he’s cute (romantic/aesthetic), and you want to get closer to him (sexual). But for many in the Ace and Aro communities, these two things are separate lanes on the same highway.
Imagine a guy who identifies as a gay asexual. He is deeply attracted to other men. He wants a boyfriend, he wants to go on dates, he wants to cuddle on the sofa, and he wants to build a life with a partner. He just doesn't feel that "spark" of sexual desire. To him, his partner is the most handsome man in the world, and he is 100% "gay" in his romantic orientation, but "ace" in his sexual orientation.
This is why MM romance can be such a powerful tool for representation. In gay romance books, we often see the "happily ever after" defined by a physical connection. But for an Ace character, that HEA might look like a deep, soulful partnership based on emotional intimacy.
Busting the Myths: What Asexuality Isn't
To be a good ally, we have to unlearn some of the junk society has taught us. Let’s clear the air on a few things:
- It’s not a medical condition: Being asexual isn't a "low libido" or a hormonal imbalance. It’s a valid identity.
- It’s not about "finding the right person": Telling an Ace guy he just "hasn't met the right man yet" is dismissive. It assumes his identity is a problem to be solved.
- Asexuals can (and do) have sex: This is a big one. Some asexual people are "sex-repulsed," but others are "sex-indifferent" or even "sex-favorable." They might engage in sex for their partner's sake, for physical pleasure, or for intimacy, even if they don't feel the "pull" of attraction.
- It’s not just "being picky": Attraction isn't something you can toggle on and off.
How to Be a Rockstar Ally
Being an ally to the Ace and Aro community doesn't require a PhD in queer theory. It mostly requires empathy and a willingness to listen. Here are some practical ways to show up for your Ace and Aro brothers:
1. Educate Yourself (Which You’re Doing Right Now!)
Don't wait for your Ace friends to explain everything to you. Use resources like AVEN (the Asexual Visibility and Education Network) or read queer fiction that features Ace characters. The more you know, the less likely you are to say something accidentally hurtful.
2. Don’t Assume
When you’re talking about gay love stories or dating, don't assume that sex is the end goal for everyone. If a friend comes out to you as Ace or Aro, ask them what that means for them. Every Ace person’s experience is unique.
3. Validate Their Relationships
In a world obsessed with hook-up culture, asexual relationships are often treated as "just friendships." As an ally, recognize that a romantic, non-sexual relationship between two men is just as valid, deep, and "real" as any other MM contemporary relationship.
4. Watch Your Language
Try to avoid "amatonormativity": that’s the fancy word for the assumption that a traditional romantic, sexual relationship is the only way to be happy. Celebrate your friends’ platonic wins and their unique relationship structures just as much as you’d celebrate a wedding.
Asexuality in MM Romance and Gay Literature
As a publisher focusing on LGBTQ+ ebooks, we see the landscape changing. More and more authors are writing "Ace-spec" (asexual spectrum) characters in M/M books.
Why does this matter? Because representation is a mirror. When a young man who doesn't feel sexual attraction picks up an MM fantasy novel and sees a hero who feels just like him: and still gets the guy, still saves the kingdom, and still gets his happy ending: it’s life-changing.
If you’re looking to broaden your horizons, check out our store for popular gay books and new gay releases. You might find a story that challenges your perspective and opens your heart to a whole new way of looking at love.
Visit our curated collection here: Read with Pride Store
Supporting the Community Beyond the Page
Allyship isn't just about what we read; it's about how we act in the real world. Friday, 13th of March 2026, is a great day to start! Whether you're a writer of gay thriller novels or a reader of heartfelt gay fiction, your voice matters.
Talk about Ace and Aro identities. Share blog posts like this one. If you see someone being excluded or mocked for their lack of attraction, stand up for them. The gay book club community is a powerful force for good: let’s use that power to make sure everyone feels seen and respected.
Final Thoughts: Love is a Spectrum
At the end of the day, Read with Pride is about one thing: the universal human need for connection. Whether that connection is physical, romantic, emotional, or all of the above, it’s beautiful. By understanding asexuality and aromanticism, we’re not making the community smaller; we’re making it bigger, more inclusive, and a whole lot kinder.
So, to all our Ace and Aro readers: we see you, we value you, and we can’t wait to bring you more stories that honor who you are.
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Daily Blog Post Options for Dick:
- "The Slow Burn: Why Ace-Spec MM Romance is the Ultimate Emotional Rollercoaster" – A deep dive into how asexual characters enhance the 'slow burn' trope in gay novels.
- "Beyond the Bedroom: Redefining Intimacy in Modern Gay Literature" – Exploring non-sexual intimacy (cuddling, emotional vulnerability, shared hobbies) in popular MM romance.
- "The Rise of the Aromantic Hero: Why We Need More Platonic Soulmates in Gay Fiction" – A look at how aromantic men navigate the world of friendship and queer community.
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