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15 Ways to Find Your Chosen Family and Build Lasting Queer Connections

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Read with Pride - LGBTQ+ blogs and articles April 11, 2026

For many of us in the LGBTQ+ community, the concept of "family" isn’t always about the people we share a DNA sequence with. Sometimes, those connections are complicated, strained, or unfortunately, non-existent. But here is the beautiful thing about being queer: we have a long, rich history of creating our own support systems. This is our "Chosen Family."

Building these bonds takes time, effort, and a little bit of courage, but the payoff is a life filled with people who truly get you. Whether you are a fan of heart-wrenching MM romance novels or you’re just starting to explore your identity, finding your tribe is a game-changer.

Here are 15 ways to find your chosen family and build connections that last a lifetime.

1. Start with Self-Reflection and Intention

Before you can find your people, you need to know what you’re looking for. Are you looking for a mentor? A group of friends to watch gay movies with? Or maybe a community that shares your specific hobbies? Setting an intention helps you focus your energy. Remember, chosen family is built on choice, not obligation.

2. Join a Queer Book Club

If you’re a reader (and if you’re here, you probably are!), there’s no better place to meet like-minded guys than a book club. Discussing the latest MM fiction or a classic piece of gay literature allows for deep conversations about life, love, and identity. It’s a low-pressure way to bond over shared stories. You can find many recommendations over at Read with Pride.

Two men bonding over an MM romance novel in a library, building queer connections through shared stories.

3. Understand Asexuality and Aromanticism (Ace/Aro)

Building a truly inclusive chosen family means being a good ally within our own community. A vital part of this is understanding asexuality and aromanticism. Not everyone in the queer community experiences romantic or sexual attraction in the same way. By educating yourself, treating it as a guide to understanding ace and aro folks, you create a safer, more welcoming space for everyone. Diversity is our strength!

4. Volunteer for LGBTQ+ Organizations

Whether it’s a local pride event, a youth center, or an advocacy group, volunteering is a fantastic way to meet people who share your values. Working toward a common goal builds a unique kind of camaraderie that often blossoms into deep friendship.

5. Lean into Your Hobbies

Do you like gaming? Gardening? Hiking? Look for "Gay [Hobby] Groups" in your area or online. Shared interests provide a natural foundation for relationships. It’s much easier to strike up a conversation when you’re both trying to figure out a complex board game or reaching the summit of a trail.

6. Show Up for Local Queer Events

From drag shows and poetry slams to quiet coffee meetups, showing up is half the battle. You don’t have to be the loudest person in the room. Just being in a queer-affirming space regularly allows people to recognize your face and vice versa. Consistency is key to building queer connections.

Two gay men connecting over coffee at a queer community event, fostering chosen family relationships.

7. Utilize Online Communities Wisely

While nothing beats face-to-face interaction, the internet is a lifesaver for those in rural areas or those who are more introverted. Discord servers, specialized subreddits, and social media groups focused on LGBTQ+ fiction or gay romance books can be great starting points. Just remember to move those connections into the real world (or video calls) when you feel safe doing so.

8. Don’t Overlook Intergenerational Connections

There is so much wisdom to be gained from our queer elders. Many of them have lived through the history we only read about in gay historical romance. Likewise, younger folks bring fresh perspectives and energy. Bridging the age gap can lead to some of the most profound chosen family dynamics.

9. Host a "Low-Stakes" Hangout

Once you’ve met a few people you click with, take the initiative. Invite them for a casual movie night or a potluck. You don’t need to throw a massive party. Often, the best bonding happens over pizza and a Netflix marathon of your favorite gay love stories.

10. Prioritize Emotional Authenticity

To build a family, you have to be willing to be seen. This means moving past small talk and sharing your triumphs and your struggles. Authenticity is a magnet for the right people. When you show your true self, you give others permission to do the same.

Two men in a moment of authentic emotional connection, illustrating the deep trust of a chosen family.

11. Practice "Active" Listening

We all want to be heard. When you’re building new connections, focus on being a great listener. Ask follow-up questions. Remember details about their lives. This shows that you value them as individuals, which is the cornerstone of any lasting relationship.

12. Set Healthy Boundaries

A chosen family should be a source of support, not stress. Part of building a healthy community is knowing when to say no and respecting the boundaries of others. Healthy boundaries actually make relationships stronger because they foster mutual respect and trust.

13. Explore MM Romance Together

There is something uniquely bonding about sharing a book that makes you feel "all the feels." Whether it’s a steamy MM romance or a heartfelt gay fiction novel, sharing these stories can help you articulate your own desires and emotions. If you're looking for a new series to dive into with friends, check out the selection at Read with Pride.

14. Be Patient

You won’t find your "soul-family" overnight. It takes time to build the kind of trust that defines a family. Don’t get discouraged if the first few people you meet don’t end up being your lifelong besties. Keep putting yourself out there.

15. Celebrate Each Other’s Wins

In a world that can sometimes be harsh, your chosen family should be your biggest cheerleaders. Celebrate the promotions, the new relationships, the birthdays, and the small personal victories. Joy is contagious, and sharing it strengthens the bonds you’ve worked so hard to build.

Building Your World, One Story at a Time

At eBooks by Dick Ferguson, we believe that stories are more than just entertainment: they are a way to connect. Whether you are reading a gay thriller, a gay fantasy romance, or a contemporary MM novel, you are engaging with a community of readers and writers who value the same things you do: love, identity, and the courage to be yourself.

Finding your chosen family is a journey, not a destination. It’s about the people you meet along the way and the stories you share. So, pick up a new gay eBook, head to a local meetup, and start building those lasting connections today.

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