Let's be real, if you've been reading enough spicy MM romance on Read with Pride, you've probably encountered some pretty creative bedroom scenes that made you think, "Hmm, maybe I should try that?" And honestly? Good for you. Exploring pleasure, whether solo or with a partner, is a beautiful part of self-discovery and intimacy.
But if you're new to the world of sex toys, it can feel a bit overwhelming. Where do you even start? What's safe? What actually feels good versus what just looks impressive in those steamy gay romance books?
This guide is here to help. We're breaking down everything you need to know about choosing and using sex toys as a gay man: no judgment, no pressure, just practical advice to help you elevate your intimate experiences.
Why Sex Toys Aren't Just for Solo Adventures
First things first: sex toys aren't a replacement for human connection. They're an enhancement. Think of them as tools that help you:
- Discover what you like: Solo exploration lets you figure out what turns you on without performance pressure
- Communicate better with partners: Knowing your body means you can guide a partner more effectively
- Add variety: Even the best MM romance heroes need to mix things up sometimes
- Experience new sensations: Some types of pleasure are difficult to achieve without the right tools
Whether you're single and exploring, or you're in a relationship and want to spice things up, toys can be a game-changer.
The Best Toys for Beginners
If you're just starting out, you don't need to invest in a whole collection. Start simple, start small, and work your way up as you get comfortable. Here are the most beginner-friendly options:
Butt Plugs: Your Gateway Toy
Small, tapered silicone plugs are ideal for first-timers. They're designed to slide in comfortably and stay in place hands-free, which makes them perfect for warming up before other activities: or just enjoying the sensation on their own.
Why they're great for beginners: The gradual taper makes insertion easier, and once they're in, you can go about your business (literally: some people wear them under clothes for that extra thrill).
Pro tip: Look for soft silicone with a wide, flared base. Never use anything without a flared base for anal play.
Prostate Massagers: Direct to the Source
The prostate is sometimes called the "P-spot" for good reason: it's packed with nerve endings that can produce incredibly intense pleasure. Prostate massagers are ergonomically designed to target this gland without requiring acrobatic flexibility.
Why they're great for beginners: You don't need advanced technique. The shape does most of the work for you, and many come with vibration settings for extra stimulation.
Pro tip: Take your time finding the right angle. What works in those gay romance novels might need some real-world adjustment.
Anal Beads: Gradual and Controllable
These connected beads let you control exactly how much you're comfortable with. Insert one bead at a time, and remove them at your own pace (some people enjoy the sensation of removal during climax).
Why they're great for beginners: You're in complete control of depth and intensity. Plus, they're usually more affordable than other options.
Dildos: Classic for a Reason
Versatile and straightforward, dildos come in every size, shape, and material you can imagine. The key for beginners? Start smaller than you think you need.
Why they're great for beginners: They're simple to use and help you understand what size and shape feel good before exploring more specialized toys.
Pro tip: Silicone is your friend: it's body-safe, easy to clean, and has some give to it.
Safety First: The Non-Negotiables
Before you dive into the fun stuff, let's talk safety. Anal play requires some basic precautions that aren't optional:
Lube, Lube, and More Lube
Unlike the vagina, the anus doesn't self-lubricate. That means you need lube: and probably more than you think.
Water-based: Safe with all toys and condoms, easy to clean up
Silicone-based: Longer-lasting and slicker, but can't be used with silicone toys
Hybrid: Best of both worlds, but check compatibility with your toys
Don't cheap out here. Good lube makes the difference between pleasure and pain.
The Flared Base Rule
Any toy going anywhere near your backdoor must have a wide, flared base or a retrieval cord. The rectum has impressive suction power, and you don't want an embarrassing ER visit.
If a toy doesn't have a flared base, it's not an anal toy: no exceptions.
Relax Your Body (Seriously)
Tension is the enemy of pleasure. If you're stressed, anxious, or rushing, your body will clench up and make insertion uncomfortable or even painful.
Before you start:
- Take a warm bath or shower
- Try some deep breathing exercises
- Use plenty of foreplay (even if you're solo)
- Put on some music or read some MM romance to get in the mood
The anus has concentrated nerve endings, so if something hurts, stop. Pain is your body's way of saying "not like this."
Start Small, Go Slow
This isn't a race. Start with the smallest size that interests you, use plenty of lube, and take your time with insertion. You can always work your way up to bigger toys later.
Solo Exploration: Getting to Know Yourself
Exploring alone first is actually a smart move. Without the pressure to perform or please a partner, you can focus entirely on what you enjoy.
Use a mirror: This gives you better visibility and control, especially when you're learning what angles work best for your body.
Warm up gradually: Start with external touch, then try a finger with lube before introducing a toy. Think of it as the foreplay you'd read in those spicy MM romance books: it matters.
Experiment with positions: Lying on your back with knees pulled up, on all fours, on your side: different positions offer different sensations and access.
Take notes (mentally or literally): What felt good? What didn't? This self-knowledge makes you a better lover, whether you're flying solo or with someone else.
Exploring with a Partner
Ready to bring toys into the bedroom with someone else? Communication is everything.
Before You Start
Talk openly: Discuss what you're both curious about, what boundaries you have, and what your expectations are. This isn't the time for assumptions.
Start simple: Don't pull out the most advanced toy in existence on the first go. A small plug or beginner-friendly massager is plenty to start with.
Take turns: If you're both new to toys, alternating who's "receiving" helps build trust and understanding.
During Play
Check in frequently: "How does this feel?" "Want me to go slower?" "More lube?" These questions aren't mood-killers: they're intimacy-builders.
Be patient: What looks easy in gay romance novels often requires practice in real life. Laugh together if something doesn't work as expected.
Respect boundaries: If someone says stop or slow down, that's exactly what you do. Consent is continuous.
Choosing Your First Toy
With so many options, how do you actually pick? Here's a simple framework:
Match your comfort level: Buy for where you are now, not where you imagine you'll be. A simple vibrating plug or small prostate massager is better than something intimidating that ends up in a drawer.
Prioritize quality materials: Body-safe silicone, glass, or stainless steel are worth the investment. Avoid jelly or rubber toys with weird chemical smells.
Read reviews from other gay men: Hearing real experiences helps normalize the whole thing and gives you practical insights about size, sensation, and quality.
Consider versatility: Toys that work for both solo play and partner play give you more bang for your buck.
Don't overspend on your first toy: You're still figuring out what you like. There's time to build a collection later.
Your Pleasure Matters
Here's the thing: whether you're reading MM romance books on Read with Pride or living out your own love story, pleasure is your birthright. Exploring sex toys isn't shameful or weird; it's a normal, healthy part of understanding your body and what brings you joy.
Start small, use plenty of lube, communicate openly, and most importantly: have fun. This is about enhancing intimacy, whether that's intimacy with yourself or with a partner.
And who knows? Maybe your real-life adventures will end up being just as spicy as those gay romance novels you've been devouring.
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