Let's talk about something that shows up in plenty of steamy MM romance novels but sometimes feels intimidating in real life: sex toys. Whether you're flying solo or sharing the experience with a partner, introducing toys into your intimate life can be a game-changer for pleasure, self-discovery, and connection.
At Read with Pride, we're all about authentic queer experiences, from the passionate stories in gay romance books to the real-world conversations that matter. So let's demystify sex toys with a beginner-friendly guide that's educational, judgment-free, and maybe even a little fun.
Why Sex Toys Aren't Just About the Fantasy
We've all read those scenes in MM romance novels where characters explore new sensations together, building trust and deepening their connection. That's not just fiction, sex toys can genuinely enhance your intimate life in similar ways.
Here's why they're worth exploring:
Self-Discovery: Toys allow you to experiment with different types of stimulation, helping you understand what brings you pleasure. Think of it as research for your own body.
Building Confidence: Starting small and working your way up helps you feel empowered in your sexual journey, whether you're new to anal play or just curious about adding something extra to your routine.
Enhancing Partner Intimacy: Contrary to the worry that toys might "replace" a partner, they actually create opportunities for shared exploration, communication, and play. Plus, watching your partner experience pleasure? That's hot.
Breaking the Monotony: Even the best gay romance books know that variety keeps things exciting. The same goes for your sex life.
Your Beginner's Toolkit: Where to Start
Walking into a sex shop (or browsing online) can feel overwhelming when you're staring at walls of options. Let's break down the most beginner-friendly toys for gay men, organized by what they do and why you might love them.
Butt Plugs: Your Gateway to Anal Play
If you're new to anal exploration, butt plugs are often the perfect starting point. They're designed to create a feeling of fullness without the intensity of penetration with a dildo or partner.
What to look for: Start with smaller, tapered designs made from body-safe silicone. They're soft, flexible, and allow your body to adjust gradually. Vibrating butt plugs add extra sensation once you're comfortable with the basic experience.
Pro tip: Always choose a plug with a flared base. This isn't optional, it's a safety essential to prevent any embarrassing trips to the emergency room.
Dildos: Classic Exploration
Dildos are versatile, straightforward, and come in every size imaginable. For beginners, smaller and slimmer models are your friends.
Anatomical insight: If you're aiming to hit the prostate (your P-spot), you'll want a dildo that's at least 10-12 cm in length. Thickness matters less when you're starting out, focus on comfort and gradually work your way up to larger sizes as your confidence grows.
Material matters: Silicone dildos are non-porous, easy to clean, and body-safe. Avoid anything jelly-like or with a strong chemical smell.
Strokers and Masturbators: Not Just Your Hand Anymore
Not all exploration involves penetration. Stroker sleeves and compact masturbators provide intense textures and sensations that elevate solo play far beyond what your hand can do.
Why they're great for beginners: They're discreet, easy to clean, and don't require much technique. Perfect if you're dipping your toes into the world of sex toys without feeling overwhelmed.
Bonus: Many are designed to be travel-friendly, so you can take your pleasure on the go (hello, long hotel stays).
Prostate Massagers: Unlocking the Male G-Spot
The prostate is often called the male G-spot for good reason: direct stimulation can deliver incredibly intense orgasms. Smaller, curved prostate massagers designed for beginners make exploring this sensitive area approachable.
Start simple: Non-vibrating models help you get used to the sensation of internal stimulation. Once you're comfortable, vibrating versions add a whole new dimension of pleasure.
Patience is key: Finding your prostate takes a little exploration, so don't rush. Think of it as an adventure, not a race.
Vibrators: Small But Mighty
Bullet vibrators are compact, beginner-friendly, and surprisingly versatile. Use them externally on the perineum, shaft, or any other sensitive area: no penetration required.
They're also excellent for incorporating into partner play, adding buzzing sensations during oral or handjobs.
Cock Rings: Simple, Effective, and Fun
Cock rings enhance erections by restricting blood flow slightly, which can intensify sensations during sex or masturbation. Flexible silicone versions are comfortable, beginner-friendly, and easy to remove if needed.
Partner play bonus: Vibrating cock rings stimulate both you and your partner during penetration, making them a win-win.
Safety First: The Essentials You Can't Skip
Let's get real for a second: sexy scenes in MM romance don't always show the prep work, but in real life, safety and hygiene are non-negotiable.
Lube is Your Best Friend
Your anus doesn't self-lubricate, so water-based lube is essential for any kind of anal play. Use more than you think you need, reapply generously, and don't be shy about it.
Silicone-based lube lasts longer but can degrade silicone toys, so stick with water-based options when you're starting out.
Warm-Up and Relax
Before using any toy that involves penetration, take time to relax your body. Start with gentle external touches, work your way up to a finger or two, and listen to what your body is telling you. Rushing leads to discomfort: slowing down leads to pleasure.
Clean Your Toys Properly
After every use, wash your toys with warm water and mild soap or a dedicated toy cleaner. Store them in a cool, dry place (preferably in individual bags to prevent material degradation).
Pro tip: Check the manufacturer's cleaning instructions, especially if you're using toys made from different materials.
Choose Body-Safe Materials
Stick with silicone, glass, or stainless steel toys. Avoid anything that smells strongly of chemicals or feels overly sticky: your body deserves better.
How Toys Enhance (Not Replace) Intimacy
One of the biggest myths about sex toys? That they're a replacement for human connection. Nothing could be further from the truth.
When you introduce toys into partner play, you're creating opportunities for:
Communication: Discussing what you want to try opens up honest conversations about desire and boundaries.
Exploration: Toys let you experiment together with sensations that bodies alone can't provide: and watching your partner discover new pleasure is intimacy at its finest.
Playfulness: Sex doesn't have to be serious. Toys add an element of fun, curiosity, and shared adventure.
Confidence: Understanding your own body through solo play makes you a more confident, engaged partner.
Think of it like this: the passion and chemistry you love in gay romance novels from Read with Pride come from characters who communicate, explore, and trust each other. Toys are just another tool in that toolkit.
Starting Slow, Building Confidence
If you're feeling overwhelmed, remember this: you don't need to try everything at once. Start with one beginner-friendly toy: maybe a small butt plug, a stroker sleeve, or a simple vibrator. Get comfortable with it. Learn what feels good. Then, when you're ready, explore further.
Sexual exploration is a journey, not a destination. And just like the characters in your favorite MM romance books, the real magic happens when you're honest, curious, and open to new experiences.
Ready to explore more about intimacy, relationships, and authentic queer experiences? Follow us on Facebook, Instagram, and X for more candid conversations. And if you're looking for steamy inspiration, check out our collection of MM romance and LGBTQ+ fiction at Readwithpride.com.
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