Let’s be real for a second: we all want the world to be a kinder place, especially for our community. Whether you’re a lifelong advocate or someone just starting to explore the vibrant world of MM romance and gay fiction, the goal is usually the same, creating a space where everyone feels seen, respected, and safe.
But sometimes, the idea of "inclusivity" feels like a massive, daunting task. Do you need to attend a week-long seminar? Do you need to read every single piece of LGBTQ+ literature ever written? (I mean, reading more gay novels is always a good idea, but it’s not the only way!)
The truth is, you can make a massive impact in just five minutes. Today, we’re going to look at how small, intentional shifts in how we act and speak can transform a space. We’re also diving deep into a topic that often gets sidelined in the broader conversation: a guide to understanding asexuality and aromanticism for allies, specifically within our queer male spaces.
1. The 60-Second Pronoun Power Move
If you want to signal that you’re an ally in record time, start with your own name. When you meet someone new, try this: "Hi, I'm [Name], and my pronouns are he/him. It’s great to meet you."
It takes literally five seconds. By sharing your own pronouns first, you’re doing two things: you’re normalizing the practice so it doesn’t fall solely on trans and non-binary folks to bring it up, and you’re signaling that you respect gender identity. In the world of MM fiction, we see characters from all walks of life; bringing that same level of respect into our daily interactions is how we bridge the gap between our favorite gay love stories and real-world advocacy.
2. A Guide to Understanding Asexuality and Aromanticism for Allies
Part of being inclusive is understanding that the "A" in LGBTQIA+ isn't just a placeholder. When we talk about gay romance or popular gay books, there’s often a heavy emphasis on sexual chemistry. And while we love a steamy MM romance, it’s vital for allies to understand the ace (asexual) and aro (aromantic) spectrums.
Asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction to others, or a low interest in sexual activity. Aromanticism is a lack of romantic attraction.
For many gay men, these identities overlap. A man might be "homoromantic asexual," meaning he experiences romantic attraction to other men but doesn't experience sexual attraction. In the context of gay fiction, exploring these themes can lead to some of the most heartfelt gay fiction out there: stories that prioritize emotional intimacy, companionship, and deep, soul-level connections over physical heat.
How to be an ally to Ace/Aro men in 5 minutes:
- Stop equating "Gay" only with "Sex": Recognize that a man can be gay and asexual. His identity is just as valid as any other.
- Validate their relationships: Don't assume a relationship is "less than" because it lacks a sexual or romantic component.
- Watch your language: Phrases like "everyone wants sex" or "you just haven't met the right guy yet" can be incredibly alienating.
By broadening your understanding of how men love and connect, you make your personal "queer space" much more inclusive to those who don't fit the traditional hyper-sexualized mold often found in some corners of MM romance books.
3. Shift Your Vocabulary (The 1-Minute Vocabulary Hack)
We often use gendered language without even thinking about it. While we’re a community that loves our M/M books and gay literature, our everyday language can sometimes be unintentionally exclusionary.
Instead of asking a new male acquaintance if he has a "girlfriend" or a "wife," use the word "partner." This simple shift shows you aren’t making heteronormative assumptions. If you know he’s gay, but you aren't sure of his relationship status or how he defines it, "partner" or "significant other" is always a safe, respectful bet.
This small change takes zero extra effort but signals a world of awareness. It says, "I see you, and I’m not going to force you into a box."
4. Visible Signs of Support
Visibility matters. If you’re in a physical space: like an office, a classroom, or even your own living room during a gay book club meetup: visible cues can act as a lighthouse for queer individuals.
- Display the flag: A small Progress Pride flag on your desk or a sticker on your laptop speaks volumes.
- Email Signatures: Add your pronouns to your email signature. It’s a passive but powerful way to show allyship every time you click "send."
- Wear your heart on your sleeve: Literally. A pin or a t-shirt supporting Read with Pride or your favorite LGBTQ+ fiction author can start conversations and let others know they are in a safe zone.
In the digital world, this means sharing content from queer authors and creators. When you post a review of a new gay release or a top LGBTQ+ book on social media, you’re helping to build an inclusive digital environment.
5. Ask, Don't Assume
This is the golden rule of inclusivity. It takes less than a minute to ask someone how they prefer to be addressed.
Whether it’s their name, their pronouns, or how they refer to their family, asking shows that you value their authentic self over your own assumptions. In MM contemporary stories, we often see the tension that arises when characters assume they know what the other is thinking or feeling. Let’s avoid that drama in real life!
If you aren't sure about something, it’s okay to ask respectfully: "I want to make sure I’m being respectful: how do you prefer to be referred to in terms of your relationship/gender?" Most people appreciate the effort and the respect that comes with the question.
Why Inclusivity Matters in the World of eBooks
At eBooks by Dick Ferguson, we believe that stories have the power to change lives. When you dive into a gay historical romance or a gay thriller, you’re walking in someone else’s shoes. That empathy is the foundation of inclusivity.
By making these 5-minute changes, you’re essentially becoming the protagonist of your own allyship story. You’re moving the plot forward toward a world where MM romance books aren't just an escape, but a reflection of a society that truly celebrates every shade of the rainbow.
Whether you’re looking for steamy MM romance, gay fantasy romance, or award-winning gay fiction, we invite you to explore our collection and continue your journey of understanding and pride.
Let's Keep the Conversation Going
Inclusivity isn't a destination; it's a practice. It’s something we do every day, five minutes at a time. By understanding asexuality, using inclusive language, and showing visible support, we create a community that is as rich and diverse as the gay novels we love to read.
Ready to find your next favorite read?
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Three New Blog Post Options for Dick:
- The Evolution of the "Grumpy x Sunshine" Trope in Gay Fiction: A deep dive into why this specific dynamic remains a fan favorite in MM contemporary romance and how it's evolving in 2026.
- Top 5 Gay Mystery Thrillers to Keep You Up All Night: A curated list of high-stakes gay psychological thrillers and gay spy romance that combine heart-pounding action with emotional depth.
- Why Historical Accuracy Matters in MM Historical Romance: Exploring the research behind gay historical romance and how authors are uncovering lost queer histories through fiction.
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